Bullying in the workplace
Every May, New Zealand celebrates Pink Shirt Day. Pink Shirt Day is an Anti-Bullying Day, it’s a movement dedicated to celebrating diversity in all forms. As Pink Shirt day came and went, I was reminded of my own experiences of being bullied, especially in school.
I was nine years old when my family immigrated to the United States from India. I remember being one of two Indian kids in the school. People made fun of my accent, my “strange” lunches and my seeming lack of style. That last one was arguably well-founded, but why does a 9 year old need to have style to begin with? One day a kid asked me what I was eating, I said lemon rice (a delicious Indian dish that consists of lemon juice and rice and spices and lots more) and the kid’s response was “ewwww”. Since then, I tried to hide my lunch and scarf it down to avoid ridicule. It wasn’t a fun experience.
Still, I considered myself lucky- at least I didn’t have to endure physical violence or cyber bullying. Over time I stopped being the weird new kid and found a way to fit in. What a shame, because my identity and culture deserved to be celebrated, not ridiculed; it certainly didn’t need to be minimised in the quest for assimilation.
Thankfully my school days are over. But this got me thinking about the workplace and how diversity gets erased and assimilated in the workplace. I asked ChatGPT what bullying in the workplace looks like and a few things stood out from the response that resonate with my own experiences- social exclusion, microaggressions and undermining behaviours.
Social exclusion- I remember being a new member of a cliquey team. I seemed to be the last one to know important news; I remembered being surrounded by whispers, knowing distinctly that something was going on around me and that I was the only one not in the know.
Microaggressions- I can’t even begin to count or clarify the instances of microaggressions I’ve encountered in the workplace as a young woman of colour. The ones that stand out the most to me are instances where certain leaders seem to believe or consider ideas more when they come from a white man, even if I’ve said the exact same thing before.
Undermining behaviours- The most scarring experiences in my work history fall into this category. There were times when I felt deliberately set up to fail and undermined from multiple directions, some of which had undertones of misogyny.
I’ve seen quite the range when it comes to toxic team behaviours, as well as healthy team behaviours and the difference they make is massive. I’ve found bullying in the workplace context to be far more subtle and often connected to unconscious bias.
The implications of this are very real. Google’s research on what makes a team high performing highlighted psychological safety as the top contributing factor, by a significant margin. Unconscious bias, lack of inclusion and bullying behaviours, no matter how subtle or pronounced have a material impact on psychological safety. They prevent teams from working through real issues together.
I often hear team members on my client teams say, “I feel less comfortable to speak up because I know I’m being judged” or “I have to choose my battles, if I hold someone to account, they can make my life hell later”. What should be a team working through conflict and problem solving together becomes a political playground laden with sacred cows, decisions that undermine and a general lack of cohesion, alignment, and accountability.
Our ability to build healthy team cultures where it’s possible to work through conflict, share differing perspectives, have rigorous debate is a superpower that boosts a team’s engagement and effectiveness. I know from my own experiences that my output and impact are significantly higher when I’m on healthy teams versus toxic teams. This superpower is a shared responsibility across the team. While the leader is a steward for this, it takes every person’s willingness and engagement to bring psychological safety to life and ensure that our workplace experiences don’t take us back to the kind of toxic dynamics we experienced at school. Because honestly, none of us need to relive that.
Picture Credit: Downloadable Resources | Pink Shirt Day
