Goodbye 2022!
We have made it to the end of 2022! Wow, and also whew. 2022 has been a big year for me. It’s been one of the most challenging years of my life. The heavy moments far outweighed the light ones, but the growth and learning I got from all of the moments has been profound. Here are my top takeaways from this year:
Building new habits.
This has been by far the most successful year I’ve had for building new habits. Somewhere in March I read an article that really reshaped my thinking- often we give up habits we’re trying to build because we prioritise perfection and we’re unwilling to be bad at something. It’s better to have a crappy workout for 5 minutes than no workout. So this year I made a list of habits I wanted to prioritise daily, and the only requirement was that I had to do them everyday, even if it was just for one minute. This worked so well! I am tracking well across a number of habits. More often than not, I’ve been able to do them for more than just one minute and the consistency has led to remarkable change over time. Prioritising consistency over perfection led to massive gains this year.
Learning to trust myself.
This is a recurring theme I struggle with in my life, and it’s really come to life this year. This is the first year in a while that I’ve felt thrown outside of my comfort zone in a big way at work. I stepped into a new role that pushed me to quickly practice a whole new way of thinking and doing things. Because I was developing new skills, my self-doubt was especially heightened. Looking back though, I realised that more often than not I was actually on point and I knew what I was doing. I needed to back myself and move with confidence, while still being open and adaptive. The places where I’ve tripped up the most were moments when my self-doubt got the best of me.
Asking for help.
As I’ve faced some of my deepest self doubt, the support of mentors and friends made a big difference. If it wasn’t for the people who cared about me, supported and uplifted me, and cheered me on, I might have had a much rougher time. These mentors had my back and also shared thoughtful feedback that helped me get better. I’m learning it’s not always sane or sound to go it alone, even though that feels like the safer option sometimes. I wouldn’t have grown much if I tackled this new challenge all alone. Going forward I want to be deliberate about reaching out to these amazing people!
Navigating politics.
I am a great problem solver. Problem solving is in my bones, it’s what I default to. I take a very straightforward approach- identify the root cause of an issue, find a solution, try something new, test and learn until I’ve solved the issue. This is a sound strategy 70% of the time. I’m learning though, some times the root cause of issues have to do more with people and politics. There are times when status quo is being preserved implicitly even if on the surface everyone seems to be working towards a different outcome. One of my mentors gave me feedback that in order to tackle such a landscape I need to cultivate political nous. Sometimes the direct and straightforward approach needs to be tempered with discernment around the politics at play. Looking back now I almost feel a bit naive for not clocking that sooner. Dealing with things in a direct and honest way is a core value of mine. I don’t want to start operating with hidden agendas myself. But I am learning to be discerning and strategic, along with being direct and honest.
Facing my inner critic. My own self-doubt especially played up this year during instances where I didn’t feel seen or heard. There were times when I felt like what I was saying just didn’t seem to matter or make a difference. This led me to question my own capability and I felt afraid to put myself out there and take risks. But really that didn’t serve anyone. I realised too, the outer critics don’t actually matter. As Austin Kleon says in Show Your Work, “…the worst troll is the one that lives in your head. It’s the voice that tells you you’re not good enough, that you suck, and that you’ll never amount to anything.”
I’ve stayed in shadows and comfortably small corners to avoid facing up to this troll. Some of the times I started to venture past safe boundaries to take risks and try new things, I’ve encountered unhelpful criticism and felt put down. But this experience has helped me learn to ease my fixation on that, to let go of perfectionism and let myself be seen for who I am and to share my work, even and especially when it’s in progress.
Learning to connect with my body. I suffer from high-functioning anxiety. This means anxiety is a pretty consistent companion in my life but often it makes me strive for excellence and perfection. Sometimes that’s a great thing, sometimes it comes at the price of my well-being. The anxiety compels me to be in constant motion, worrying about the future constantly. This constant worry has actually prevented me from connecting with myself and listening to my instincts. It keeps me in my mind, operating constantly in crisis prevention mode, even when things are relatively calm. A big learning for me this year has been stepping out of that hamster wheel and learning to deal with anxiety by connecting with my body and staying present with the experience, rather than spinning my wheels in my head. This has been challenging and progress has been slow going, but I’m slowly learning to come into the present moment and I’m learning to connect to my body and trust its wisdom. As I practice this, I am finding more peace in my life, and making better decisions. This has also allowed me to take risks and try new things more often, because I’m not coming into life with my guard up all the time.
Opening to my creativity again. The most exciting and enjoyable part of 2022 was rediscovering my creativity. For my birthday this year a dear friend gifted me a Paint and Wine experience. I never thought of myself as much of an artist. But I loved the experience of painting, and with the right instruction, I did a decent job (check out my awesome octopus from that night!). Importantly, this experience reminded me of the importance of nurturing and fostering creativity, making space for building new things and exploring new ideas- whether that’s through art or my writing. So much of what held me back from diving into my creativity in the past has been perfectionism- needing everything I created to be perfect took me longer and made it more stressful. The great thing about this painting experience was it reminded me to have fun, try something and see where it takes me, rather than trying to take it somewhere. The cardinal rule for creating great art, in whatever medium, is to create a lot of it, and to enjoy the process.
Carl Jung once said, “darkness and upheaval always precede an expansion of consciousness.” That pretty much sums up 2022 for me. It’s been a rough and intense ride, but in that intensity, it’s shaped me in profound ways and I’ve grown in remarkable ways.
Cheers to 2022 and here’s to a joyful, creative and profound 2023.
